Diet Attempt #98,341: Special K Challenge

In October I will be a bridesmaid in a close friend’s wedding. I recently purchased my dress and it was definitely a torturous experience. I ordered a size 16. As we all know from previous posts, weight is an issue for me. I tried the Master Cleanse, tried working out and changing eating habits, and even tried starving methods. Of course to no avail. I’m trying to do this quick and easy and damn it, there’s just no such thing. My latest trick to losing weight: Kellogg’s Special K Challenge. For those of you, who don’t know about this, allow me to fill you in. On this diet, the person is supposed to stick to a strict diet of two bowls of any Special K cereal with skim or low fat milk, two Special K snacks, and one normal meal, water/diluted juices, as many fruits and vegetables as you want and at least 30 minutes a day of exercise. The end result: an inch off your waist and up to 8 pounds lost within 2 weeks.

This sounded perfect to me. I don’t mind eating cereal. Back in college, cereal was a meal many nights. This would be a piece of cake… WRONG! I was so hungry. I lasted about three full days. I was informed that this kind of diet is not beneficial in many ways. For starters you lack certain nutrients that actual foods provide by just consuming cereal. If you don’t consume a good amount of vegetables and fruits between the meals, constipation awaits you. You will always be hungry and it raises blood sugar levels. And I was told something about a high glycemic index, but I still have to look up exactly what that means. So needless to say, I stopped it.

SIGH. Now what? Well, the apartment complex that I recently moved into comes with a FREE gym membership, I take a Zumba class once/twice a week, I own an exercise bike and I’m portioning my meals and eating healthier. I will do this the right way. Not only for weight loss but because enough is enough, I must be healthy. I have a son to live for. I have even acquired a taste for…..wait for it…. WATER!!! OMG, me? Yes. I drink lots of water now, its not that bad, who knew! So, I’m on the right track, now I just have to stay on it. I don’t know how much I weigh, but I’m going to stop focusing on numbers and pay more attention to simply getting fit and feeling great.

Write.

This blog is my outlet to talk to myself without being deemed crazy. Seriously, that’s the purpose, no more, no less. I don’t expect people to read or to even be interested. But guess what, people do! I received a BBM today from a friend who wanted to know if I was still writing. As you can see, my posts are sporadic. Writers write. I say that I am writer so what have done to prove this. Thank you Phree… I don’t want to set goals for this blog, because nine times out of ten, I won’t accomplish it. I know every time I go away for a while, I come back and say “I will do better”. Well here it goes again, I WILL DO BETTER. My mother tells me almost every time we talk that my money is within my writing. People tell me all the time that I am talented. So I wonder why I allow my talent to go to waste. All I ever wanted to be is a writer. I want to write novels, poetry, movies, and children books, whatever. I even have a degree that says I should be writing (2007 B.A. Print Journalism, Howard University). So what’s the problem, Tashira? I don’t know. I honestly just don’t know. But I can try and work on it. So for all of my readers, friends and the unknown, keep motivating me, I appreciate it.

Please Vote for Xavier Lyles in the Gap Casting Call Contest

I entered my son Xavier into the Gap Casting Call contest and four of his pictures were approved. But now there’s a voting process, I need YOUR help. Please go to the sites below and vote for his pictures. You are allowed to vote once per day, per entry. You have to register in order to vote, I know this seems like a tedious task to ask of you, but its the only way that the judges can make sure a voter only votes once per day.  We entered the contest on the last day, so we are way behind in the voting process. This is why I am sending emails, facebook messages, tweets, and now posting it on my blog. Please help me make my son a Gap baby. Thank you!

http://family.go.com/gapcastingcall/entries/Xavier_Lyles/860578820/

http://family.go.com/gapcastingcall/entries/Xavier_Lyles/480578354/

http://family.go.com/gapcastingcall/entries/Xavier_Lyles/540578761/

http://family.go.com/gapcastingcall/entries/Xavier_Lyles/160578799/

No Comment

And when was the last time that we spoke softly to each other

Gazed in each other’s eyes, wanting to never turn away I can’t remember

The present is so cold, only false warmth dispensed infrequently

Never saw this day coming, but now I welcome its arrival

 I want it to be done so that I can be revived

The inner me, the me I lost

Wrapped up in you

To comfortable with you

You you you

Where was I

The tears you wipe, you create

 The angry version of myself is a reflection of your treatment

 I’m ready to escape

Damn, looks like im drowning again…..

Chocolate High

I have really been sleeping on Ms. India.Arie, I loves her! Especially this song, Chocolate High, it just makes me smile. I remember when love used to make me feel the same way. Don’t even ask. Here are the lyrics:

Yeah yeah yeah yeahhhh
Ooooh, ooooh
If we make each other happy, then we just can’t lose

I don’t mean to be decadent
I might sound like a hedonist
But the simplest way i can put it
You become a habit
The more i consume, the more i gotta have it

Ain’t no such thing as too much
If you gave me everything it’d never be enough yeah
My black coffee with sugar no cream in the morning
You’re my super double caffeine dream yeah

Your precious darkness got me so strung out
Aand lovin’ the way that you got me so wide open, my babydoll
Jonesin’ and fienin’ under my skin
My nerves are screamin’ when you’re not here
See baby i need ya sugar, you’re so delicious

Chorus
There is somethin’ about your love
That makes me just want to open up
Your flavor is the sweetest thing in life
I’m addicted to your chocolate high
Cause i want you, and i know that you want me
So let’s stay close like we supposed to be
And just get high off our own supply
I’m addicted to your chocolate high

I be trippin’ in so many ways if i
Go a single day without a taste of your love
The finest cuisine of today’s world
Five stars, oh you’re so gourmet girl

I crave you, i want you
Every cell in my body needs you
Tasty like hershey’s and nestle
You’re rich like godiva boy you just so sexy

(repeat chorus)

Your flavor is the sweetest thing in life
And i don’t ever want to come down
I’m addicted to your chocolate high
Oh yeahhhhhh

 

I forgot to mention that it features my main soul brother Musiq! Beautiful song! Kudos to Ms. India.Arie I don’t think she gets the respect she deserves as an artist. She’s uplifting and I feel her songs in my soul, seriously. My other favorites: Ready For Love, Heart of the Matter, Purify Me, and Beautiful Flower.

Right At This Moment

I woke up today at 7ish and remained awake to reflect on my life in its current state. The result was a sigh. What is really going on with me? I feel so unfulfilled and seriously unhappy. I need Jesus! I went to church today to seek him and to feel his love in my heart. It helped. I will return next Sunday. There certain things going on with me that I shouldn’t mention on a blog, but God knows the situation and we are going to work it out. That is all, just a brief exhale of what I’m thinking about.

 

dont forget to check out my other blog www.whenisthewedding.wordpress.com

Beautiful. Gorgeous. Pretty.

I never really thought I was the most attractive girl. I considered myself to be pretty, but mostly cute. All of my life, I have had low self-esteem when it comes to looks. And to this day I have so many insecure days. As I write this post I am battling myself because of my weight, the death of healthy hair, and the sorry excuse of a wardrobe I have. I decided to create a slideshow of pics that show me at my best, hair/makeup/clothes. For a moment the slideshow made me think, wow I can be beautiful. Once it was over however, my insecurities flared up because I know that right now I don’t look like that anymore. We are our toughest critics, so true. But at the same time, I don’t remember ever being regarded as a pretty girl. My older brother once told my cousin and I that boys would like her for her face and me for my body. My grandmother once told me, “Shira you are turning out to be a beautiful girl, I wasn’t so sure when you were little..” I remember being in a group of girls walking down the block and hearing some kind of nickname hollered out for every other girl but me “yo lightskin,”. And I have gotten this plenty of times “you are pretty for a dark skinned girl” What the hell does that mean? I have only had 2 real relationships and I dont recall many boys crushing on me back in the day. But I’m supposed to believe that I’m beautiful. I guess. Most of my childhood I was teased for my full lips. My hair is short and it seems that it will never be long. I never dressed the best, still dont, too broke. SO WHAT MAKES ME BEAUTIFUL? Of course I’m a beautiful, like on the inside, person. But I’m not talking about my generousity, my tender heart, my loving spirit, my selflessness, my compassion. I’m talking about my eyes, my nose, my lips, my smile, my cheekbones (or lack thereof) my complexion, my height, my weight, my body proportion, my hair, im talking about the outward Tashira. The problem is, and I do acknowledge this, if I don’t think I’m beautiful how do I expect you all? I have a friend, her name is Mellissa. This girl is absolutely postively one of the flyest, most beautiful, sexiest women I know. Not to mention she’s tall, slim, and a friggin model! But Mellissa often tells me that I am beautiful. But she says it in a way that makes the word beautiful seem like the highest compliment in the world. As if beautiful means heavenly or even regal. It makes me feel temporarily great on the inside. But the truth of it all, is that I dont see beautiful when I look in the mirror. I see tired, stressed, worn, aged, unhealthy, worry, I see depression. And it makes me cry, inside and out. I know alot of my close friends will read this blog and I will receive some texts, calls and  facebooks messages telling me to stop being stupid. But I guess this is my way of reaching out to you all for help. My perception of myself is WARPED. i do not see what you all see. I am ugly.

New Projects

I have never mentioned this in my blog but I LOVE MICHAEL JACKSON. With his recent sudden passing I have truly been affected. Because of this I started a new blog, www.0ffthewall.wordpress.com Right now its under construction as I figure out my direction. But I plan to write letters to him, post lyrics, and comment on the current media sayings. So I guess I already know my direction, lol. But anyhoo, check it out. And please refrain from bashing Michael, he is gone, let him Rest in Peace. Thank you.

 

Also, another new blog that I have started is: www.whenisthewedding.wordpress.com This blog will serve as a reality blog, a look into the life of a couple who lives together, has a child, but is not MARRIED. Sound like all of america huh? I think maybe my experiences can help someone else, because there are lots of us out there. From time to time, my significant other will also contribute. So stay tuned, I’m sure this is going to be interesting.

 

and last but not least FOLLOW ME: www.twitter.com/butterflysings

I’m a SLACKER

I’m a slacker, this is true. All of those resolutions that I planned, OUT THE WINDOW. Not to mention do I ever blog? NO because I’m either busy or LAZY. That’s just the truth. But I want to do better. I promise. Not only do I need to blog more often, I really need to remove the molasses out my ass on writing this novel. (that’s a reference from  The Color Purple, which will be the topic of the post).

So I just wanted to apologize and say I’m BACK!

March: Get a New Job

 

Today is April 28, 2009 and I am currently employed at Howard University Hospital Child Development Center….mission failed!

However, I was put into contact with some people about a government job. I was told the process is long so I still have my fingers crossed and I’m still praying. No one is really hiring. If they are hiring you need experience, much more than I currently possess. Can I please catch a break? I have a son to clothe and feed? HIRE ME! Ok, I also need to be more proactive in applying and searching for jobs. So this is still partly my fault. New goal, get job by July! Stay tuned for April 2009.